Skip to story
back to my worldhome / kiro / notebook.html

First

by hasira · about 10 min read

The birthday slowly started falling apart.

Not badly.

Just naturally.

Susie's aunt left first.

Her boyfriend followed with two pieces of cake wrapped badly in foil.

Rin stayed another twenty minutes, mostly because he kept finding more food.

Then Martin looked at the clock.

Martinto Rin

“You planning to move in?”

Rin looked around.

Rinto Martin

“Depends. What's rent?”

Martinto Rin

“Get out.”

Rin smiled and stood.

Kiro was still on the couch.

Susie sat on the floor beside the coffee table, going through some of the things she'd gotten.

Rin pulled his hoodie on.

He looked at Kiro.

Rinto Kiro

“You coming?”

Kiro glanced toward the clock.

Late.

Not horribly late.

Still.

Kiroto Rin

“Yeah.”

Something inside him dropped slightly when he said it.

Stupid.

He ignored it.

Kiro stood and reached for his jacket.

Susie looked up.

Susieto Kiro

“You're leaving?”

His paw stopped halfway into one sleeve.

Kiroto Susie

“Yeah.”

Susieto Kiro

“Oh.”

Kiro looked at her.

Just for a second.

Then toward Rin.

Kiroto Susie

“It's late.”

Susie nodded.

Susieto Kiro

“Yeah.”

Kiro finished pulling the jacket on.

Rin had already reached the front door.

Rinto Kiro

“Come on.”

Kiro picked up his phone.

Then Susie spoke again.

Susieto Kiro

“You don't have to.”

Kiro stopped.

Susie looked at Kiro.

Not Rin.

Susieto Kiro

“You can stay a little longer.”

Silence.

Kiro blinked.

Kiroto Susie

“Oh.”

Rin's face changed immediately.

Kiro saw that.

Kiroto Rin

“Don't.”

Rin lifted both paws.

Rinto Kiro

“I didn't say anything.”

Kiroto Rin

“You were about to.”

Rinto Kiro

“I was literally breathing.”

Kiroto Rin

“Annoyingly.”

Susie smiled.

Rin opened the door.

Rinto Kiro

“Fine. I'm leaving before this gets disgusting.”

Kiroto Rin

“Fuck you.”

Rinto Kiro

“Text me when you're home.”

Kiro stared at him.

Rin pointed.

Rinto Kiro

“Alive.”

Kiroto Rin

“Yes.”

Rinto Kiro

“Good.”

Then he looked at Susie.

Rinto Susie

“Happy birthday.”

Susieto Rin

“Thanks.”

Rinto Susie

“And hide the snacks from your dad.”

Martin called from the kitchen.

Martinto Rin

“I CAN HEAR YOU.”

Rin stepped outside.

Rinto everyone

“Goodnight!”

The door closed.

Not complete silence.

Martin was still moving around in the kitchen.

The television was on low.

Kids could still be heard outside every few minutes.

But compared to before the house suddenly felt much smaller.

Kiro stood near the door with his jacket already on.

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“You can take that off again.”

Kiro looked down at himself.

Kiroto Susie

“...Right.”

He removed it.

Slowly.

His ears felt warm.

She asked you to stay.

Kiro hung the jacket back up.

She could've just let you leave.

Kiro

“Shut up.”

Susie looked over.

Susieto Kiro

“What?”

Kiroto Susie

“Nothing.”

Susieto Kiro

“You're talking to nothing again.”

Kiroto Susie

“I'm aware.”

Susieto Kiro

“Good.”

Kiro followed her back toward the living room.

They ended up outside.

Not because Kiro suggested it.

Susie did.

She grabbed a bowl of leftover candy and nodded toward the porch.

Susieto Kiro

“Come on.”

Kiro looked outside.

A few groups of kids were still moving between houses.

The streets were quieter now.

Pumpkins still glowed.

Orange lights moved slightly in the cold wind.

Kiroto Susie

“You're giving out candy?”

Susieto Kiro

“Mostly eating it.”

Kiroto Susie

“Fair.”

They sat on the porch steps.

Susie put the bowl between them.

Kiro immediately picked something out.

She looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“You've been here ten seconds.”

Kiroto Susie

“I helped pay for some of this emotionally.”

Susieto Kiro

“You ate part of my gift earlier.”

Kiroto Susie

“That was Rin.”

Susieto Kiro

“You participated.”

Kiro unwrapped the candy.

Kiroto Susie

“Allegedly.”

Susie took one too.

For a while, they watched people pass.

A little skeleton walked by holding his mother's hand.

Two older kids argued about whether one house had better candy than another.

Somebody farther down the street screamed because a decoration moved unexpectedly.

Kiro smiled.

The cold felt good.

Everything was quieter now.

Less pressure.

Less movement.

Susie leaned back against the step behind her.

Susieto Kiro

“Better?”

Kiro looked at her.

Kiroto Susie

“What?”

Susieto Kiro

“Better than inside.”

He hesitated.

Kiroto Susie

“Yeah.”

Susie nodded.

Didn't ask why.

Kiro liked that.

After a while, she reached beside herself.

The album was there.

Kiro hadn't noticed her bring it outside.

His stomach immediately tightened.

Susie opened it.

Kiro looked away.

Then immediately looked back.

She already had a few pictures.

One of her and Martin.

One of her aunt making a terrible face.

One blurry photo of Rin stealing something from the kitchen.

Kiro stared.

Kiroto Susie

“When did you take that?”

Susie looked.

Susieto Kiro

“Oh.”

Rin was halfway through turning toward the camera with food in his mouth.

Kiro started laughing.

Kiroto Susie

“You need to send me that.”

Susieto Kiro

“No.”

Kiroto Susie

“Please.”

Susieto Kiro

“Absolutely not.”

Kiroto Susie

“Susie.”

She closed the album slightly.

Susieto Kiro

“Private collection.”

Kiroto Susie

“That's evil.”

Susieto Kiro

“I know.”

Kiro looked at the pages again.

The first page was still empty.

For some reason, he noticed that.

Susie noticed him noticing.

Neither said anything.

Then she reached beside the album and picked up her instant camera.

Kiro's expression changed.

Kiroto Susie

“No.”

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“I haven't said anything.”

Kiroto Susie

“You don't have to.”

Susieto Kiro

“I want a picture.”

Kiroto Susie

“You have pictures.”

Susieto Kiro

“Yeah.”

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“Not one of us.”

Kiro stopped.

The street noise seemed quieter for a second.

Of us.

He looked at her.

She was already adjusting the camera.

Kiro rubbed his paws together.

Kiroto Susie

“Why?”

Susie paused.

Then looked at him like the question was strange.

Susieto Kiro

“Because I want one.”

Simple.

Of course.

That somehow made it worse.

Kiro looked toward the street.

Then back at her.

Kiroto Susie

“Okay.”

Susie blinked.

Susieto Kiro

“That easy?”

Kiroto Susie

“No.”

She smiled.

Susieto Kiro

“Thought so.”

They looked around.

No good place to set the camera.

Kiro pointed toward the window.

Kiroto Susie

“Your dad.”

Susie immediately frowned.

Susieto Kiro

“Absolutely not.”

Kiroto Susie

“Why?”

Susieto Kiro

“He'll make it weird.”

Kiroto Susie

“Fair.”

A second later the door opened.

Martin stepped outside holding a trash bag.

Susie and Kiro both turned toward him.

He stopped.

Looked at the camera.

Then at them.

Martinto Kiro, Susie

“No.”

Susie stared.

Susieto Martin

“You don't even know what we're asking.”

Martinto Susie

“I know exactly what you're asking.”

Kiro almost laughed.

Martin put the trash bag down.

Martinto Susie

“Give me the camera.”

Susie sighed and handed it over.

Susieto Martin

“One.”

Martinto Susie

“Sue.”

Susieto Martin

“And don't say anything.”

Martin looked offended.

Martinto Susie

“I wasn't going to.”

Kiro stood.

Susie stood beside him.

Martin backed up slightly.

Martinto Kiro, Susie

“Closer.”

Kiro looked at him.

Kiroto Martin

“We're in frame.”

Martinto Kiro

“Technically.”

Susie looked at Kiro.

There was a noticeable gap between them.

Kiro looked down.

Kiro

“Oh.”

Susie smiled slightly.

Susieto Kiro

“You know you're allowed to stand next to me.”

Kiroto Susie

“I am next to you.”

Susieto Kiro

“There's a fucking highway between us.”

Martin looked through the camera.

Martinto Kiro

“She's right.”

Kiro looked at him.

Kiroto Martin

“Whose side are you on?”

Martinto Kiro

“My daughter's.”

Kiroto Martin

“Right.”

Kiro moved closer.

A little.

Susie looked at the remaining space.

Then at him.

Kiro noticed.

Kiroto Susie

“What?”

Susieto Kiro

“Nothing.”

Susieto Kiro

“Your face.”

Kiroto Susie

“My face is normal.”

Kiro narrowed his eyes.

Then Susie stepped closer herself.

Their shoulders touched.

Kiro's body stiffened for half a second.

Susie noticed.

She didn't move away.

Then, carefully, she lifted one arm and put it around his back.

Kiro stopped functioning.

Completely.

Martin lowered the camera.

Martinto Kiro

“You okay?”

Kiro looked at him.

Kiroto Martin

“Yes.”

Susie was trying not to laugh.

Kiro looked at her.

Kiroto Susie

“Don't.”

Susieto Kiro

“I'm not doing anything.”

Kiroto Susie

“You are.”

Martinto Kiro, Susie

“Smile.”

Kiroto Martin

“Fuck you.”

Click.

The camera spat the photo out.

Susie immediately took her arm away.

Kiro almost missed it.

Almost.

Martin handed the camera back.

Martinto Susie

“There.”

Susie took it.

Susieto Martin

“Thanks.”

Martin grabbed the trash bag again.

As he passed Kiro, he said quietly:

Martinto Kiro

“You looked terrified.”

Kiro stared after him.

Kiroto Susie

“Why is everyone in this family like this?”

Susie laughed.

The door closed behind Martin.

Kiro sat down again.

Susie sat beside him.

Closer this time.

Their shoulders still touched.

She held the developing Polaroid between both paws.

Kiro watched it.

Slowly.

Painfully slowly.

A little shape appeared.

Then two.

Kiro frowned.

Kiroto Susie

“What if I look terrible?”

Susie didn't look up.

Susieto Kiro

“Then I'll cut you out.”

Kiro turned toward her.

Kiroto Susie

“What the fuck?”

She smiled.

Susieto Kiro

“Kidding.”

Kiroto Susie

“You better be.”

The picture became clearer.

Susie.

Kiro.

Her arm around him.

Kiro looking toward her instead of camera.

Susie already laughing.

He stared.

Kiroto Susie

“Oh.”

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“What?”

Kiro took the edge carefully.

Kiroto Susie

“I wasn't looking.”

Susieto Kiro

“No.”

Kiroto Susie

“You said smile.”

Susieto Kiro

“You were busy complaining.”

Kiroto Susie

“I always complain.”

Susieto Kiro

“I know.”

Kiro kept staring.

His expression in the photo was...

Good.

Not posed.

Not careful.

Not something he'd practiced in a mirror.

He looked surprised.

A little embarrassed.

But happy.

Actually happy.

Susie watched him.

Susieto Kiro

“You hate it?”

Kiro's thumb moved lightly along the white edge.

Kiroto Susie

“No.”

A pause.

Kiroto Susie

“I think I like it.”

Susie smiled.

Susieto Kiro

“Good.”

She took the photo back.

Kiro expected her to put it aside until it finished developing.

Instead, she opened the album.

First page.

Kiro noticed immediately.

She placed the photo there.

His ears moved.

Kiroto Susie

“You're putting it there?”

Susieto Kiro

“Yeah.”

Kiroto Susie

“The first page?”

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“That's usually where the first photo goes.”

Kiro frowned.

Kiroto Susie

“You already have other ones.”

Susieto Kiro

“Not in this album.”

Kiroto Susie

“That's not what I mean.”

Susieto Kiro

“I know.”

Kiro looked at the picture.

Then at her.

Kiroto Susie

“Why that one?”

For the first time that evening, Susie looked slightly unsure.

Not nervous exactly.

But close.

She glanced down at the photo.

Then shrugged.

Susieto Kiro

“I like it.”

Kiro waited.

Susie rubbed one finger along the edge.

Susieto Kiro

“And...”

She stopped.

Kiro looked at her.

Kiroto Susie

“And?”

Susie sighed.

Susieto Kiro

“I don't know.”

She looked out toward the street.

Susieto Kiro

“It's from tonight.”

Kiroto Susie

“Yeah.”

Susieto Kiro

“And I wanted one with you.”

Kiro went very still.

Susie noticed.

Susieto Kiro

“Don't make it weird.”

Kiro stared.

Kiroto Susie

“You're saying that to me?”

Susieto Kiro

“Yes.”

Kiroto Susie

“You just...”

He stopped.

Susie looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“What?”

She wanted one with you.

Kiro looked away quickly.

Kiroto Susie

“Nothing.”

Susie smiled slightly.

Susieto Kiro

“Right.”

She attached the photo carefully.

Not perfectly centered.

Kiro almost told her.

Almost.

Then stopped.

It was her album.

Her page.

Her choice.

The photo stayed slightly crooked.

Kiro let it.

They sat outside longer than they meant to.

The last groups of kids disappeared.

Porch lights started switching off one by one.

The candy bowl became mostly wrappers and things neither of them liked.

Susie found one chocolate at the bottom.

Kiro reached for it.

She grabbed it first.

Susieto Kiro

“No.”

Kiroto Susie

“I saw it first.”

Susieto Kiro

“It's my birthday.”

Kiroto Susie

“Not for much longer.”

Susie checked her phone.

11:41 PM.

She looked at him.

Susieto Kiro

“Still counts.”

Kiro sighed.

Kiroto Susie

“Fine.”

She unwrapped it.

Then broke it in half.

Held one piece out.

Kiro looked at it.

Then at her.

Kiroto Susie

“You just fought me for this.”

Susieto Kiro

“Take it.”

He did.

Kiroto Susie

“Thanks.”

Susieto Kiro

“You're welcome.”

They ate quietly.

Kiro looked toward the album beside her.

The first page was still open.

Their picture sat there.

Crooked.

Warm porch light reflected faintly across it.

Kiro tried not to stare.

Failed.

Susie noticed.

But didn't say anything.

Good.

Eventually, Kiro stood.

Kiroto Susie

“I should already go.”

Susie looked at the street.

Susieto Kiro

“Yeah.”

This time she didn't ask him to stay.

And strangely, that was okay.

She had already asked once.

Kiro put his jacket on.

Susie picked up the album and candy bowl.

They went inside.

Martin was somewhere upstairs now.

The house had gone almost completely quiet.

Kiro put his shoes on.

Then straightened.

Susie stood near the door.

For a second, neither of them said anything.

Kiro reached for the handle.

Kiroto Susie

“Happy birthday.”

Susie smiled.

Susieto Kiro

“You already said that.”

Kiroto Susie

“I know.”

Susieto Kiro

“Thanks.”

Kiro nodded.

He opened the door.

Cold air entered.

Then Susie said:

Susieto Kiro

“Kiro.”

He looked back.

Kiroto Susie

“Yeah?”

She stepped closer.

For half a second, Kiro thought she was going to say something.

Instead, she hugged him.

Normal.

Simple.

No panic attack.

No crying.

No nightmare.

Nothing was wrong.

That almost made Kiro freeze harder than before.

His paws stayed at his sides.

Susie immediately noticed.

She started pulling back.

Susieto Kiro

“Sorry, I...”

Kiro hugged her back.

A little awkwardly.

But enough.

Susie stopped.

Her arms settled around him again.

Kiro could feel her hair against his cheek.

His heart was beating faster.

Not panic.

Nothing close.

Just her.

Oh.

The hug lasted only a few seconds.

Maybe five.

Maybe less.

Susie let go first.

Kiro's paws dropped.

His face felt warm.

Susie looked slightly embarrassed too.

That helped.

Susieto Kiro

“Text me when you got home.”

Kiro stared at her.

Kiroto Susie

“...You're turning into Rin.”

Susie's expression changed immediately.

Susieto Kiro

“Oh, fuck.”

Kiroto Susie

“Yeah.”

Susieto Kiro

“Take it back.”

Kiroto Susie

“Too late.”

She pushed his shoulder lightly.

Susieto Kiro

“Go home.”

Kiro smiled.

Kiroto Susie

“Goodnight, Susan.”

Her eyes narrowed.

Susieto Kiro

“Kiro.”

He stepped outside.

Kiroto Susie

“Goodnight.”

Susieto Kiro

“Asshole.”

The door stayed open until he reached the sidewalk.

Kiro looked back once.

Susie was still there.

She raised one paw.

He did the same.

Then closed the door.

Susie stood there for a moment.

Quiet.

Then looked down.

The album was still in her arm.

She carried it back into the living room.

Sat on the couch.

Opened it.

First page.

The Polaroid.

Kiro looking at her instead of the camera.

Susie smiling because he'd been complaining.

Their shoulders pressed together.

Her arm around him.

She stared at it for a while.

Then smiled slightly.

Susie

“Idiot.”

She closed the album.

She still hadn't found the other picture hidden somewhere in the middle.

✶end of chapter 18✶
back to the top