KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 12 OF 36
Watching & Listening
by hasira · about 17 min read
Kiro had stopped crying.
Mostly.
His breathing was still uneven, but the panic had finally started letting go of him.
Susie sat beside him on the floor.
Close.
Not holding him anymore, but close enough that their shoulders touched.
Kiro kept one paw wrapped around the end of his sleeve.
He hadn't let go of it since she saw underneath.
His eyes hurt.
His throat hurt.
Everything felt tired.
Susie looked at him.
“Water?”
Kiro nodded.
“Yeah.”
She stood.
“I'll be back.”
Kiro immediately looked up.
Susie noticed.
“I'm going to the kitchen.”
“...I know.”
“It's ten steps away.”
“I know.”
She watched him for another second.
Then disappeared into the hallway.
Kiro wiped his face with his sleeve.
Once.
Twice.
He stared at the floor.
Then slowly looked up.
At you.
His expression changed.
“What?”
Nothing.
Kiro's ears lowered.
“Don't.”
He looked away.
“Don't fucking look at me like that.”
His paw tightened around his sleeve.
Instinctively, he pulled it farther over his wrist.
Then stopped.
He stared at what he was doing.
A quiet laugh left him.
Not amused.
“...Why am I even hiding it from you?”
He looked at you again.
“She found out five minutes ago.”
A pause.
“You knew before she did.”
His face slowly tightened.
“The arms.”
Silence.
“The kitchen.”
His eyes stayed on you.
“The bathroom.”
Another pause.
“Rin.”
His voice became quieter.
“Everything.”
Kiro looked toward the kitchen.
Susie was still there.
Water running from the tap.
He looked back at you.
“How long have you been watching me?”
Nothing.
“Right.”
Kiro rubbed his face.
“Of course.”
He leaned back against the couch.
“You always show up for the good parts, huh?”
Silence.
Kiro frowned.
“No, that's bullshit.”
His tail moved once against the floor.
“You saw the roof.”
His eyes narrowed.
“You saw me hit the ground.”
He knew it hadn't happened.
His body still remembered it anyway.
“You watched me drown.”
Kiro swallowed.
“And you're still here.”
His mouth twisted slightly.
“Why?”
No answer.
Something sharper entered his voice.
“Is this fun for you?”
Silence.
“Watching me fuck everything up?”
His paw closed tighter.
“Waiting for something worse?”
“Kiro?”
He flinched.
Susie stood at the edge of the room holding a glass of water.
Kiro looked at her.
Then at you.
Then quickly back at her.
“What?”
Susie slowly approached.
“Were you talking to someone?”
“No.”
“You were.”
“No, I wasn't.”
She looked toward the empty place Kiro had been staring at.
Then back at him.
Kiro held out his paw.
“Water.”
Susie handed it over.
Her expression said she had several questions.
Apparently she decided none of them were worth asking tonight.
Kiro drank.
Too quickly.
He coughed.
Susie sat beside him again.
“Good job.”
“Shut up.”
“Nearly drowned yourself with water after having a nightmare about drowning.”
Kiro looked at her.
“...How much did I say?”
“Enough.”
“Great.”
He put the glass on the table.
For a while, neither spoke.
The rain was softer now.
Thunder still rolled somewhere far away, but the storm was moving on.
Susie looked toward the couch.
“We should probably try sleeping again.”
Kiro's stomach tightened.
She noticed immediately.
“Or not.”
“No.”
Kiro rubbed his eyes.
“I'm fucking exhausted.”
“Then sleep.”
“I don't really want to.”
“Also fair.”
Another silence.
Susie stood.
Kiro watched her.
She sat on the couch.
Kiro remained on the floor.
Susie looked down at him.
“You planning to sleep there?”
“Maybe.”
“Looks comfortable.”
“It isn't.”
“Then get up.”
Kiro sighed.
He climbed back onto the couch.
This time there was a little space between them.
Neither moved to close it.
Kiro stared at the television.
The menu music had been looping for so long it was starting to feel threatening.
Susie grabbed the remote and turned it off.
Darkness filled the room.
Kiro immediately looked toward the window.
Only reflections.
No roof.
No falling.
No water.
Just rain.
Susie shifted beside him.
“Still awake?”
“Obviously.”
“Just checking.”
A minute passed.
Then another.
Kiro spoke quietly.
“What if this happens again?”
Susie looked at him.
“The nightmare?”
“Yeah.”
She thought about it.
“Then I'll wake you up.”
Kiro turned toward her.
“I was unconscious.”
“Then I'll wake you up harder.”
“That's your plan?”
“Pretty much.”
“Very professional.”
“I'm doing my best.”
Kiro looked away.
A tiny smile appeared.
Then disappeared again.
Susie leaned back.
“You don't have to sleep.”
“I know.”
“We can just sit here.”
“That's somehow worse.”
“Why?”
“Because then I'll think.”
“Terrifying.”
“Exactly.”
Kiro looked at her.
Then at the small space between them.
Slowly, he moved his paw onto the couch between them.
He didn't touch her.
Not quite.
Susie noticed.
A few seconds later, her paw rested beside his.
Their fingers touched.
Neither moved away.
Kiro looked toward you.
Just once.
“Don't.”
Susie glanced at him.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You're doing that again.”
“Doing what?”
“Talking to nothing.”
Kiro closed his eyes.
“Go to sleep, Susan.”
Susie turned her head toward him.
“You called me Susan.”
Kiro kept his eyes closed.
“Go to sleep.”
Susie watched him for a second.
“That bad, huh?”
Kiro opened one eye.
“Susie.”
She smiled slightly.
“Better.”
A few minutes passed.
Susie's breathing slowly changed.
Then came a quiet snore.
Kiro opened his eye.
Another.
Longer this time.
He looked at her.
“...Seriously?”
Susie didn't move
A few seconds later, she snored again.
Louder.
Kiro stared at the ceiling.
Then at you.
“Don't.”
Another snore.
He looked back at Susie.
It should have been annoying.
Somehow it wasn't.
The sound was stupid.
Uneven.
Sometimes surprisingly loud for someone her size.
But it meant she was there.
Still asleep beside him.
Still comfortable enough to sleep badly.
Kiro closed his eyes again.
Another snore came from beside him.
He smiled slightly.
“...Fucking unbelievable.”
And this time, the snore didn't bother him at all.
Gray light filled the room.
Kiro opened his eyes.
His neck hurt.
His back hurt.
One leg had gone numb.
For a moment, he didn't know why he was on the couch.
Then he remembered.
The movie.
Susie.
The nightmare.
His sleeve.
Her face.
Crying into her shoulder.
Everything returned at once.
Kiro covered his eyes.
“...Fuck.”
Something moved beside him.
He froze.
Susie was still there.
Curled awkwardly against the other side of the couch.
Asleep.
Kiro stared at her.
Then at the window.
Morning.
Actual morning.
He grabbed his phone.
9:37 AM
His ears lifted.
“Oh, shit.”
Susie moved.
“Mhm.”
Kiro looked at her.
“Susie.”
Nothing.
“Susie.”
One eye opened.
“What?”
“It's morning.”
She stared at him.
Then at the window.
“Looks like it.”
“You stayed.”
Her other eye opened.
“Kiro.”
“What?”
“That was the plan.”
“No, I know, but...”
He sat up.
“You're still here.”
Susie slowly pushed herself upright.
“Yes.”
Kiro looked at her phone lying on the table.
“Doesn't anyone wonder where you are?”
She blinked at him.
“My dad knows.”
Kiro stopped.
“...Your dad?”
“I messaged him last night.”
“When?”
“When you were making drinks.”
Kiro stared.
“You told him you were staying here?”
“Yeah.”
“And he was just fine with that?”
Susie rubbed her face.
“Kiro, I'm twenty-five.”
“So am I.”
“I know.”
Susie looked at him.
Susie picked up her phone.
“I told him the storm was bad and I was staying at a friend's place.”
Kiro paused at friend's.
His ears moved slightly.
Susie didn't seem to notice.
“He's not going to send the police after you.”
“I wasn't worried about that.”
“You looked worried.”
“I...”
Kiro looked away.
“I don't know.”
Susie stretched.
“I'm not a child anymore. I don't need permission to sleep somewhere.”
“I know.”
Kiro picked at the edge of his sleeve.
“I just...”
A pause.
“I lived with my father for a long time.”
Susie looked at him.
Kiro hadn't meant to say it.
The words were already there now.
He sighed.
“Not just him, actually.”
Susie waited.
“His family too.”
Kiro stared at the dark television.
“They were...”
He searched for the word.
“Good.”
Susie raised an eyebrow.
Kiro gave a small humorless laugh.
“That's what everyone thought.”
He rubbed his thumb against his palm.
“Nice family. Helpful family. Normal family.”
His eyes stayed on the television.
“They were good at looking like one.”
Susie didn't interrupt.
Kiro swallowed.
“My dad wasn't...”
He stopped.
“Not all the time.”
The room felt quieter.
“He drank.”
Susie's expression shifted slightly.
Kiro continued before he could decide not to.
“When he drank, he got aggressive.”
He looked down.
“Mostly with my mom.”
A pause.
“He argued with her. Screamed at her. Scared her.”
His paw closed.
“Not me.”
Susie looked at him.
Kiro immediately added:
“He never hit me.”
Like that mattered enough to say quickly.
Like it fixed something.
“He just...”
Kiro exhaled.
“Made the whole fucking house feel like you were waiting for something.”
Rainwater slowly moved down the outside of the window.
Kiro watched it.
“After my eighteenth birthday...”
He became quiet.
Susie waited.
“It was a few months after, I think.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, trying to find the memory.
“She came into my room at night.”
Kiro could almost see it.
Dark hallway.
The door opening carefully.
His mother sitting on the edge of his bed.
Trying not to make noise.
“She asked me what she should do.”
Susie didn't move.
Kiro's voice became smaller.
“She said she didn't feel safe there anymore.”
A pause.
“Didn't feel happy.”
He rubbed his face.
“And she asked me.”
His mouth twisted.
“Like I fucking knew.”
He had been eighteen.
Technically an adult.
It hadn't felt like it.
“What did you tell her?”
Kiro looked down.
“Whatever would make her happier.”
Susie stayed silent.
“I told her if she wanted to leave, she should leave.”
His paw tightened around the fabric of his jeans.
“So she did.”
The words sat between them.
“She lives really far away now.”
“How far?”
Kiro gave a small laugh.
“Other half of the planet kind of far.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“You still talk?”
Kiro nodded.
“Phone.”
His expression softened slightly.
“Messages. Calls sometimes.”
Then it changed again.
“It's weird.”
“What is?”
“Having your mom inside a rectangle.”
Susie looked down at her own phone.
“Yeah.”
Kiro swallowed.
“At least she's happier.”
He said it quickly.
Like he needed that part to be understood.
Susie nodded.
“And your dad?”
Kiro's face closed immediately.
“No.”
“No contact?”
“No.”
“At all?”
“I don't want any.”
The answer came harder than everything before it.
Susie nodded once.
Didn't question it.
Kiro stared at the floor.
“When she left...”
His voice slowed.
“My dad told me it was my fault.”
Susie's ears lowered.
Kiro's expression remained strangely blank.
“He knew she'd talked to me.”
A pause.
“So...”
His fingers moved against his knee.
“He told me I convinced her.”
His voice cracked slightly.
“That I broke the family.”
Susie looked at him.
Kiro gave a small shrug.
“He said she left because of me.”
The shrug disappeared.
“I believed him.”
For a long moment, there was only the sound of water dropping from the roof outside.
Kiro looked toward you.
Not angry this time.
Just tired.
“You knew that too, didn't you?”
Susie followed his eyes.
Nothing there.
She looked back at Kiro.
“..Who are you talking to?”
Kiro blinked.
His eyes moved back to her.
“No one.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it's true.”
Susie stared at him.
Kiro stared back.
“...Mostly.”
She decided to leave that alone too.
Kiro rubbed his arms through his sleeves.
“What about you?”
Susie looked confused.
“What about me?”
“You said your dad knows.”
“Yeah.”
“You live with him?”
“Yeah.”
Kiro hesitated.
“And your mom?”
Susie's expression changed.
Only slightly.
But enough.
Kiro immediately regretted asking.
“Sorry. You don't have to...”
“She died.”
Kiro stopped.
Susie looked toward the window.
“Accident.”
Her voice stayed flat.
Not empty.
Just controlled.
“A few years ago.”
Kiro's mouth opened.
Nothing useful appeared.
“...Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I'm sorry.”
Susie glanced at him.
“There it is.”
“What?”
“The word.”
Kiro frowned.
“What word?”
“Sorry.”
“Oh.”
“We're going to start charging you.”
Kiro almost smiled.
“How much?”
“Five each.”
“I'll be homeless by Friday.”
“Probably.”
A small silence.
Kiro looked at her.
“Do you miss her?”
Susie didn't answer immediately.
“Yeah.”
That was all.
Kiro nodded.
No speech.
No attempt to fix it.
Just:
“Yeah.”
Susie looked at him.
Something in her expression softened.
Then her stomach growled.
Both of them looked down.
Susie sighed.
“Great.”
Kiro stared at her.
“Deep.”
“Don't.”
“Powerful.”
“Kiro.”
“Emotional.”
She pushed his shoulder.
Kiro laughed.
For the first time that morning, it didn't hurt.
Breakfast wasn't impressive.
Toast.
Eggs.
Hot chocolate for Kiro because apparently morning wasn't enough to stop him.
Susie stared at his mug.
“You drink that for breakfast?”
“Yes.”
“You're twenty-five.”
“Yeah?”
Susie shook her head.
Outside, the storm was gone.
Everything was wet.
Orange leaves stuck to the road.
Some had collected against the fence in heavy dark piles.
The trees moved gently in the cold wind.
The sky was still gray, but brighter now.
Kiro looked outside.
“At least it stopped raining.”
“For now.”
“Autumn.”
Susie took another bite.
“You really like this weather?”
Kiro looked offended.
“This is perfect.”
“It's wet.”
“Exactly.”
“It's cold.”
“Exactly.”
“Everything is dying.”
Kiro paused.
“...You make autumn sounds really depressing.”
“It is.”
“It's comfortable.”
“How?”
Kiro gestured vaguely toward the window.
“Look at it.”
“I am.”
“Leaves.”
“Yes.”
“Clouds.”
“Also yes.”
“Cold outside, yet not freezing. Warm inside.”
Susie looked at his mug.
“Hot chocolate.”
“Exactly.”
She smiled.
Kiro leaned back.
“What do you even do in autumn?”
Susie shrugged.
“Same things I do the rest of the year.”
“Boring.”
“You asked.”
“Give me something.”
She thought.
“Second-hand shops.”
Kiro nodded.
“Okay.”
“Small concerts.”
“Depends.”
“Photography.”
“You take photos?”
“Sometimes.”
“Of what?”
“Things.”
“Very specific.”
“Streets. Buildings. People sometimes. Forests. Stupid little details.”
Kiro nodded slowly.
“That's actually kind of nice.”
“I know.”
“Old CDs. Record shops.”
Kiro looked at her.
“You collect CDs?”
“Sometimes.”
“What kind?”
Susie shrugged.
“Whatever I like. Old stuff mostly. Things I find by accident.”
Kiro thought for a moment.
Then smiled slightly.
“I might have something you'd like.”
Susie raised an eyebrow.
“That sounds suspicious.”
“It's not.”
“That's also what suspicious people say.”
Kiro ignored her.
“We'd have to walk a little.”
“Where?”
“You'll see.”
Susie stared at him.
“Kiro.”
“What?”
“If you murder me after I survived your couch, I'm going to be really annoyed.”
“You snored on that couch.”
Her expression changed.
“I don't snore.”
Kiro looked at her.
“You absolutely fucking snore.”
“No.”
“Sometimes really loud.”
“You're lying.”
“I wish.”
Susie narrowed her eyes.
Kiro smiled.
“Come on.”
The rain had stopped.
Everything outside was still wet.
Orange leaves covered the pavement and stuck to the edges of the road. Water dripped from roofs and branches. The air was cold enough that Kiro kept his paws partly hidden inside his sleeves.
Susie walked beside him.
“So where are we going?”
“You've asked three times.”
“And you've answered zero.”
“Correct.”
“Asshole.”
Kiro smiled.
It wasn't far.
A few streets.
Past a small café.
Across a road covered in wet leaves.
Then Kiro stopped in front of narrow little shop.
Susie nearly walked past him.
“What?”
Kiro reached into his pocket.
Pulled out a key.
Susie looked at the door.
Then at him.
The window was filled with old album covers, handwritten price cards, and a few records propped up against the glass.
Her eyes widened.
“No fucking way.”
Kiro unlocked the door.
Susie immediately stepped closer.
“You have keys?”
“Usually useful.”
“Kiro.”
He opened the door for her.
A small bell rang above it.
Warm air met them inside.
Rows of vinyl filled most of the shop.
Old wooden shelves.
Crates on the floor.
Posters on the walls.
A record player behind the counter.
The place smelled faintly of old paper, cardboard, dust, and coffee.
Susie slowly looked around.
Her entire expression changed.
“Oh, this is dangerous.”
Kiro closed the door behind them.
“For your wallet?”
“Yes.”
She walked toward the nearest shelf immediately.
Kiro smiled.
“I thought you might like it.”
Susie pulled out one record, looked at the cover, then another.
“How do you even know about this place?”
Kiro walked past her toward the counter.
“Well.”
He put the keys down.
Susie looked at him.
Kiro leaned against the counter.
“I work here.”
Silence.
Susie stared.
“You work here?”
“Yeah.”
“And you just never mentioned that?”
Kiro shrugged.
“You never asked.”
“Kiro, that's not something people normally have to ask.”
“What, you don't ask everyone where they work within twenty-four hours of meeting them?”
“No.”
“Then that's your problem.”
Susie shook her head, smiling.
“You fucking idiot.”
Kiro smiled back.
Then he moved toward one of the shelves.
“Come here.”
Susie followed.
Kiro crouched beside a lower crate and started searching through it.
Susie stayed nearby, still looking around the shop with the kind of expression Kiro was trying very hard not to look pleased about.
There were records everywhere.
Old covers packed tightly together.
Handwritten labels.
Posters on the walls.
A few boxes that looked like nobody had opened them in years.
Susie watched Kiro flip through the records.
“You actually know where everything is?”
“Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
Kiro kept searching.
“It means don't touch the wrong pile.”
Susie looked toward one particularly questionable stack beside the counter.
“That one?”
Kiro glanced over.
“Especially that one.”
She smiled.
A few seconds later, Kiro stopped.
“Found it.”
He pulled out a record.
“What?”
Kiro looked at the cover, then handed it to her.
“Ocean Rain.”
Susie read the name.
“Echo & the Bunnymen.”
“Yeah.”
She looked at him.
“Do I get to know why?”
Kiro stood.
“You listen first.”
“Very mysterious.”
“I'm trying to prevent you from having the wrong opinion.”
Susie laughed.
“That's not how opinions work.”
“Mine does.”
Kiro headed behind the counter.
Susie followed him, still looking at the record.
A modern turntable set beside a small amplifier and pair of speakers.
It wasn't some ridiculous expensive setup.
Just clean.
Well used.
Obviously taken care of.
Kiro held out his paw.
Susie gave the record back.
He removed it carefully from the sleeve.
Susie watched him.
“You look very serious suddenly.”
“I'm handling something important.”
“It's a record.”
Kiro looked at her.
“Exactly.”
She smiled.
Kiro placed it onto the turntable.
He switched everything on, waited for the record to start spinning, then lowered the needle.
A soft crackle came through the speakers.
A few seconds later, The Killing Moon started playing.
Susie stopped talking.
Kiro leaned against the counter.
He waited.
Five seconds.
Ten.
Then:
“Well?”
Susie looked at him.
“You told me to listen.”
“I am letting you listen.”
“It's been twelve seconds.”
“Enough for a first impression.”
She turned back toward the speakers.
“You're terrible at this.”
Kiro smiled slightly.
“Keep listening.”
So she did.
Kiro watched the record spin.
Outside the front window, the street was still wet.
Orange leaves moved slowly along the pavement whenever the wind picked up.
Inside, the shop felt warmer.
Music filled the spaces between the shelves.
Susie wandered toward another crate while listening.
Kiro watched her look through it.
After a while she glanced toward him.
“Okay.”
Kiro raised an eyebrow.
“Okay what?”
“I like it.”
His ears lifted slightly.
He tried to hide it by looking down at the turntable.
“I knew you would.”
“Oh, fuck off.”
“What?”
“You were waiting to say this.”
“Maybe.”
Susie returned to the counter.
She looked at the spinning record, then at the shelves around them.
“You really like this place, don't you?”
Kiro shrugged.
“Yeah.”
“That was the fastest answer you've given me all morning.”
He looked around.
The cramped shelves.
The old posters.
The little handwritten labels.
The counter he'd stood behind more times than he could remember.
“It's quiet when nobody's here.”
Susie smiled slightly.
“Except for the music.”
“That's different.”
“How?”
Kiro thought about it.
Then shrugged.
“It's noise I choose.”
Susie looked at him for a second longer.
Kiro noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Your face is doing the thing.”
“What thing?”
“The annoying thing.”
She laughed
Kiro looked away, smiling.
Susie started browsing again.
A few minutes later she pulled something from another crate.
“What about this?”
Kiro looked over.
His expression immediately changed.
“No.”
Susie looked at the cover.
“Why?”
“It's terrible.”
“You sell it.”
“Doesn't mean I respect it.”
She laughed.
“So you're going to judge everything I pick?”
“Obviously.”
“Great.”
Susie put it back and pulled out another.
Kiro made a face.
“Oh, come on.”
“What now?”
“No.”
“You haven't even let me show you.”
“I saw the cover.”
“So?”
“Trust me.”
Susie stared at him.
Then slowly put it back.
“This is going to take hours.”
Kiro leaned against the counter.
“Probably.”
She looked around the shop again.
Then smiled.
“Good.”
Kiro went quiet for a second.
Susie had already turned toward the records.
He looked at her.
Then at you.
His ears lowered slightly.
“Don't.”
Susie glanced over.
“What?”
Kiro immediately looked back at the turntable.
“Nothing.”
She stared at him for a moment.
Then shook her head and continued searching.
Kiro smiled to himself.
The record kept spinning.