KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 33 OF 36
Gone
by hasira · about 10 min read
Rin was already sitting on Kiro's couch when Kiro got home.
Kiro stopped in the doorway.
“...How?”
Rin looked up from his phone.
“Door.”
“My door was locked.”
“No, it wasn't.”
Kiro slowly looked back at it.
Then at Rin.
“Fuck.”
“Good first day?”
Kiro closed the door properly this time.
“Apparently I also forgot how locks work.”
“Promising.”
Kiro dropped his keys onto the table.
His feet hurt.
His back hurt.
His head felt full of voices that weren't actually inside his head for once.
Customers.
Questions.
The bell above the shop door.
Music.
Normal noise.
He pulled his sweater off and threw it over the chair.
Rin watched.
“You look tired.”
“I worked.”
“Tragic.”
“Fuck you.”
Kiro dropped onto the couch beside him.
Not carefully.
The cushions bounced.
Rin's phone nearly slipped from his paw.
“Jesus.”
“Move.”
“It's your couch.”
“Exactly.”
Rin shifted slightly.
Kiro leaned his head back.
Closed his eyes.
For a few seconds, neither spoke.
Then Rin asked:
“So?”
Kiro didn't open his eyes.
“So what?”
“Work.”
“Fine.”
“Fine good or fine Kiro?”
Kiro opened one eye.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“You know exactly what it means.”
Kiro closed it again.
“...Good.”
Rin stayed quiet.
“Actually good.”
“Wow.”
“Don't sound surprised.”
“I am.”
Kiro opened both eyes.
“Asshole.”
Rin smiled.
Kiro looked toward the ceiling.
“I thought it was going to be worse.”
“Why?”
He rubbed one paw over his face.
“Because last time I was there, before the break, I was barely fucking functioning.”
Rin nodded.
“And?”
“And today I sold records.”
“At the record shop?”
Kiro slowly turned his head.
Rin smiled.
Kiro kicked his leg.
“Fuck you.”
Rin laughed.
Kiro looked away.
“I forgot how much I liked it.”
That came quieter.
Rin noticed.
“Good.”
Kiro nodded.
“Yeah.”
A small silence.
Then Rin looked toward Kiro's phone on the table.
Lit it up.
One message.
Susie.
Rin saw the name.
Then looked at Kiro.
Kiro saw him looking.
“No.”
Rin's mouth started moving.
“Don't.”
“I haven't said anything.”
“You don't need to.”
Kiro grabbed the phone before Rin could.
He opened the message.
A photo.
The terrible record Susie had bought earlier was spinning on a turntable.
Under it:
still shit apparently
Kiro smiled immediately.
Rin stared at him.
Kiro noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Rin.”
“Nothing.”
“You have the face.”
“What face?”
“The annoying one.”
Rin looked back at his phone.
“Just haven't seen you smile at a message like that before.”
Kiro's ears moved slightly.
“I smile.”
“Sure.”
“I do.”
“Okay.”
Kiro frowned.
“Fuck you.”
He typed back:
told you
Susie's reply came almost immediately.
unfortunately i like it
Kiro smiled again.
Rin looked over.
This time Kiro caught him immediately.
“Stop watching me.”
“I'm sitting beside you.”
“Look somewhere else.”
Rin looked directly at the wall.
“Better?”
“Much.”
A few seconds passed.
Rin was still staring at the wall.
Then:
“So.”
“No.”
“You don't even know what I'm asking.”
“I know enough.”
Rin finally looked back at him.
“You and Susie.”
“What about us?”
“How's that going?”
Kiro looked down at his phone.
“Fine.”
Rin waited.
Kiro glanced at him.
“What?”
“You really love that word.”
“Because things can be fine.”
“Sure.”
“They can.”
Rin nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
Kiro stared.
“Why are you agreeing like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you're waiting.”
“I am.”
“For what?”
Rin shrugged.
“For you to accidentally tell me something.”
Kiro's expression changed.
“I don't accidentally tell people things.”
Rin stared at him.
Kiro stared back.
Then slowly:
“...Often.”
Rin smiled.
Kiro looked at his phone again.
Big mistake.
Because Susie had sent another message.
tomorrow still?
Kiro typed:
yeah
Then:
unless you buy another terrible record
Her reply:
buying two now
Kiro laughed quietly.
Rin heard it.
Of course he did.
“You kissed her.”
Kiro's thumb stopped.
Silence.
Rin slowly turned toward him.
Kiro didn't move.
Rin's ears lifted.
“...Holy shit.”
Kiro locked his phone.
“Shut up.”
“You fucking did.”
“Rin.”
“You actually kissed her.”
Kiro's ears lowered.
“She kissed me first.”
The sentence came out immediately.
Rin froze.
Then his smile became unbearable.
Kiro realized what he'd just admitted.
“...Fuck.”
“She kissed you first?”
“That's not important.”
“You corrected me.”
“Because you were wrong.”
“You kissed her back.”
Kiro stared at him.
“Obviously.”
Rin started laughing.
Kiro shoved his shoulder.
“Fuck off.”
Rin barely moved.
“How long have you been hiding this?”
“I'm not hiding anything.”
“You just made me find out by watching your ears.”
“My ears didn't tell you shit.”
“They absolutely did.”
Kiro pulled them back automatically.
Rin pointed.
“See?”
“Stop looking at my fucking ears.”
Rin laughed again.
Kiro folded his arms.
His face was getting warm.
This was horrible.
Rin leaned back.
“So, when?”
“No.”
“Where?”
“No.”
“Come on.”
“Absolutely fucking not.”
Rin looked delighted.
“Why?”
“Because it's none of your business.”
“Was it at least good?”
Kiro turned toward him.
“What kind of question is that?”
“A normal one.”
“No, it isn't.”
“Did you like it?”
Kiro's mouth opened.
Then closed.
Gas station lights.
Cold night air.
Susie close enough that Kiro finally understood what was about to happen.
Her lips against his.
The first moment being too short.
His paw catching her sleeve.
“Don't stop.”
Kiro looked away.
Rin watched his face.
Then smiled.
“Oh.”
Kiro's ears went flat.
“Don't.”
“You really liked it.”
“I didn't say that.”
“You didn't need to.”
Kiro covered his face.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
Rin laughed quietly.
Kiro stayed like that for a few seconds.
Then muttered through his paws:
“I'd never done it before.”
Rin stopped laughing.
Kiro immediately regretted saying that too.
He lowered his paws.
Rin was looking at him differently now.
Not mocking.
Kiro almost preferred the mocking.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Don't fucking nothing me.”
Rin shrugged slightly.
“I didn't know.”
“Obviously.”
Kiro rubbed his thumb against his palm.
“I told her.”
“Before?”
“Yeah.”
“And then she kissed you?”
Kiro nodded.
Rin's expression softened.
Kiro pointed at him immediately.
“No.”
“What?”
“Don't make that face.”
“I'm not doing anything.”
“You are.”
Rin rolled his eyes.
“Fine.”
A pause.
Then:
“And?”
Kiro frowned.
“And what?”
“How do you feel about it?”
Kiro looked at him like he'd asked something offensive.
“Why are you asking normal questions now?”
“I can go back to making fun of you.”
“No.”
“Then answer.”
Kiro sighed.
He looked toward his phone.
Black screen now.
His own reflection barely visible.
“I liked it.”
Quiet.
Rin didn't interrupt.
Kiro swallowed.
“A lot.”
That was harder.
His paws moved together.
“I wanted...”
He stopped.
Rin waited.
Kiro looked irritated by the fact he was waiting.
“I wanted her to keep going.”
Rin's mouth twitched.
Kiro pointed at him.
“Don't you fucking dare.”
“I'm not.”
“You are.”
“I'm trying really hard.”
“Try harder.”
Rin looked away for a second until the smile disappeared.
Mostly.
Kiro leaned back.
His ears were still warm.
“I think that's the part that freaked me out.”
“What?”
Kiro stared at the ceiling.
“Wanting it.”
Rin looked at him.
Kiro continued.
“Not her.”
A pause.
“Just...”
He rubbed one paw over his chest.
“Physical shit.”
Rin nodded slowly.
Kiro looked down.
“I spent years thinking I'd hate all of it.”
“Then you didn't.”
“No.”
“And that's bad?”
Kiro gave him a tired look.
“My brain can make breathing complicated.”
“Fair.”
“So apparently liking someone touching me is an advanced fucking problem.”
Rin laughed once.
Kiro almost smiled.
Then Rin said:
“You seem better.”
Kiro's smile disappeared slightly.
Not completely.
“Yeah.”
“You do.”
Kiro nodded.
“I think I am.”
A pause.
Then:
“You missed some shit.”
Rin looked at him.
Kiro immediately wished he hadn't said it.
“What shit?”
“Nothing.”
“Kiro.”
“There it is.”
“What?”
“The fucking voice.”
Rin stared.
Kiro sighed.
He looked toward the television.
Off.
Black screen.
His reflection again.
Rin beside him.
Kiro rubbed his palms against his jeans.
“There was a bad night.”
Rin's expression changed.
“How bad?”
Kiro didn't answer.
That answered enough.
Rin sat a little straighter.
“Kiro.”
“I know.”
“What happened?”
Kiro stared at the floor.
He could stop here.
Say he didn't want to talk about it.
Rin would probably complain.
Then leave it alone.
Kiro knew that.
Instead he spoke.
“I drank.”
Rin blinked.
“You?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you hated alcohol.”
“I do.”
That made Rin go quiet.
Kiro rubbed the side of his face.
“It was after something happened.”
“What?”
“Doesn't matter.”
“It probably does.”
“Not right now.”
Rin watched him.
Then nodded.
“Okay.”
Kiro breathed out.
That helped.
A little.
He continued.
“I got home.”
A pause.
“I drank.”
His voice became quieter.
“Too much.”
Rin's eyes stayed on him.
Kiro hated it.
But kept going.
“Susie was messaging me.”
“I wasn't answering.”
His fingers stopped moving.
Rin noticed.
“And?”
Kiro swallowed.
“There was a gun.”
Rin's face emptied.
Completely.
For a second, neither moved.
Then:
“What?”
Kiro looked away.
“I had one in the house.”
Rin's voice came sharper.
“Why the fuck did you have a gun?”
Kiro flinched.
Tiny.
Rin saw it.
He immediately rubbed his face.
“Sorry.”
Silence.
“Just...”
He looked at Kiro again.
“Fuck.”
Kiro nodded.
“Yeah.”
Rin's voice was quieter now.
“What happened?”
“I don't know.”
“That's not...”
“I genuinely don't know.”
Kiro looked at him.
“There are pieces missing.”
That shut Rin up.
Kiro's throat tightened.
“I remember drinking.”
“Remember some other shit.”
“Then Susie waking me up.”
He looked down.
“The gun was near me.”
Rin didn't move.
Kiro added quickly:
“I wasn't holding it when she found me.”
His breath caught slightly.
“I didn't...”
Tried again.
“I don't remember doing anything with it.”
Rin stared at the floor now too.
Kiro's voice became smaller.
“That was kind of the fucking problem.”
A long silence.
Then Rin asked:
“Is it gone?”
Kiro looked at him.
“Yeah.”
“Gone?”
“Yeah.”
“I don't have it.”
Rin held his eyes.
Kiro didn't look away.
“We dealt with it the next morning.”
“And the alcohol?”
“Gone.”
“You drink now?”
“No.”
“Planning to?”
“No.”
Rin nodded once.
His shoulders dropped slightly.
Not completely.
Kiro noticed.
“You were scared.”
Rin looked at him.
“No shit.”
Kiro's ears lowered.
“Sorry.”
Rin closed his eyes.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
“What?”
“You tell me you got drunk with a gun beside you and then apologize because I'm worried.”
Kiro looked down.
“...Yeah.”
“That's insane.”
“I know.”
Rin rubbed his face again.
For a few seconds he looked angry.
Then tired.
Then neither.
“I'm not good at this.”
Kiro almost smiled.
“You've mentioned.”
“Shut up.”
Rin leaned forward.
Elbows on his knees.
“What am I supposed to say?”
Kiro shrugged.
“Nothing.”
“That's not helpful.”
“I know.”
Rin stared at the floor.
Then:
“You planning anything now?”
Kiro answered immediately.
“No.”
Rin looked over.
Kiro stayed still.
“No.”
Again.
Slower.
“I don't want to.”
Rin watched him another few seconds.
Then nodded.
“Okay.”
Kiro blinked.
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“That's it?”
Rin frowned.
“You want an interrogation?”
“No.”
“A motivational speech?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then okay.”
Kiro stared.
Rin leaned back again.
“I'm believing you.”
Something in Kiro's face changed.
Just slightly.
“Oh.”
“Don't make it weird.”
Kiro looked away.
“I wasn't.”
“You were about to.”
“Fuck you.”
“There he is.”
Then the room slowly became normal again.
Not completely.
The conversation stayed somewhere between them.
Heavy.
But no longer growing.
Kiro's phone vibrated.
Both of them looked at it.
Susie.
Rin raised one eyebrow.
Kiro pointed at him.
“Don't start anything.”
“I didn't say anything.”
Kiro opened the message.
2 tomorrow?
He typed:
yeah
Another message came.
don't be late
Kiro frowned.
i'm never late
Susie immediately replied:
you arrived 48 minutes early to work today
Kiro stared.
Rin noticed.
“What?”
“She fucking knows.”
“Knows what?”
Kiro turned the phone toward him.
Rin read it.
Then looked at Kiro.
“How does she know?”
“I don't know.”
Another message.
your boss told me
Kiro's eyes narrowed.
“Traitor.”
Rin laughed.
Kiro typed:
blocked
Susie reacted with a heart.
Kiro stared at it for half a second too long.
Rin saw.
This time he only smiled slightly.
Kiro noticed anyway.
“Don't.”
“Didn't say anything.”
“Good.”
Rin reached for the controller on the table.
“You still shit at this?”
Kiro looked at him.
“You lost eight games in a row.”
“Historical revisionism.”
“You threw the controller.”
“Connection issue.”
“You threw it at the wall.”
“The wall interrupted the signal.”
“That's called a skill issue.”
Kiro grabbed the second controller.
The console turned on.
Menu music filled the room.
Rin picked his character.
Kiro picked his.
For a while, nothing else mattered.
Then, just before the match started, Rin spoke.
Quietly.
“Kiro.”
“What?”
Rin kept his eye on the screen.
“The gun's really gone?”
Kiro looked at him.
“Yeah.”
Rin nodded.
“Good.”
The match started.
Kiro immediately attacked him.
“Cheap fucking move.”
“Major skill issue.”
“Fuck you.”
Kiro smiled.
Neither mentioned the gun again.