KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 06 OF 36
Second
by hasira · about 7 min read
Kiro was sitting in the open window.
Not exactly inside.
Not exactly outside.
His back rested against the frame while both legs hung over the roof.
The tiles were cold beneath him.
The street below was quiet.
Most of the windows had already gone dark.
Kiro liked it up here.
Nobody walked past.
Nobody knocked.
Nobody asked anything.
He looked down at the street.
Then at you.
“Don't worry.”
A pause.
“I'm not planning anything.”
Kiro looked back outside.
“I just like sitting here.”
Footsteps behind him.
Kiro's ears moved.
Rin appeared in the room.
“You're gonna fall.”
Kiro didn't turn around.
“No, I'm not.”
Rin leaned against the frame.
“You say that like you've tested it.”
Kiro finally glanced at him.
“I have legs, Rin.”
“Very impressive.”
Rin climbed into the window beside him and carefully let his own legs hang outside.
For a moment, they just looked at the street.
Then Rin reached into the pocket of his hoodie.
Kiro heard the small sound before he saw anything.
A cigarette.
His body reacted immediately.
Not much.
Just enough.
His shoulders became stiff.
Rin didn't notice.
He lit it.
The first smell reached Kiro.
His stomach tightened.
For half a second, the roof disappeared.
A kitchen.
An old chair.
A glass on the table.
Smoke hanging in the room.
His father somewhere nearby.
Kiro blinked.
Roof again.
Rin beside him.
Nothing else.
Rin breathed the smoke away from him.
“Sorry.”
Kiro looked over.
“For what?”
“You made a face.”
“Did I?”
Rin watched him.
“Yeah.”
Kiro shrugged.
“Whatever.”
Rin lifted the cigarette slightly.
“You want me to put it out?”
“No.”
“You sure?”
Kiro nodded.
“It's fine.”
And it was.
Kind of.
Rin wasn't his father.
A cigarette wasn't his father.
Kiro knew that.
He wasn't going to tell Rin what he could and couldn't do just because his own head had attached memories to a smell.
So he stayed quiet.
Rin smoked.
Kiro stared at the street.
Every few seconds, the smell reached him again.
Every few seconds, something old moved inside his head.
Nothing clear.
Just enough.
After a while, Rin looked toward him.
“You've been quiet.”
Kiro snorted.
“I'm always quiet.”
“No, you're not.”
Kiro glanced at him.
Rin smiled.
“You're annoying as fuck when you're comfortable.”
“Thanks.”
“You're welcome.”
Kiro almost smiled.
Rin finished the cigarette and stood up.
“I need to piss.”
Kiro looked up at him.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I thought you'd worry.”
“Deeply.”
Rin walked back inside.
“Don't fall.”
Kiro raised one paw without looking at him.
“Fuck off.”
Rin disappeared down the hallway.
Kiro was alone again.
Then he noticed the pack on the windowsill.
He stared at it.
“No.”
Kiro looked away.
A few seconds passed.
He looked again.
Still there.
Obviously.
“Don't.”
He wasn't talking to anyone in the house.
Kiro looked at you.
“You too.”
Silence.
“I know.”
He looked back at the pack.
“It's stupid.”
Kiro picked it up.
Turned it over in his paw.
Put it down.
“There.”
He looked at you again.
“Happy?”
A pause.
Then he picked it up again.
“Fuck.”
He opened it.
Stopped.
His ears lowered.
Something surfaced.
A much smaller paw.
Someone laughing.
“Don't be a pussy.”
Kiro remembered holding something wrong.
Remembered coughing so hard his eyes watered.
Someone laughing even harder.
He remembered saying it was disgusting.
Then pretending it wasn't.
Kiro closed the pack.
“That was different.”
His thumb moved over the cardboard.
“I was a kid.”
Silence.
“Kids are fucking stupid.”
Kiro looked at you.
“Don't quote me on that.”
He put the pack down.
Again.
One minute.
Maybe two.
His eyes returned to it.
Something inside him kept pulling.
Not really curiosity.
He remembered almost nothing about the first one.
Only the coughing.
The embarrassment.
Trying not to look weak.
Kiro picked up the pack.
“This is a terrible idea.”
He waited.
Like someone might disagree.
Nobody did.
Why not?
Kiro frowned.
“That's usually how the bad shit starts.”
Still...
he didn't put it back.
A little later, smoke left his mouth.
Kiro immediately coughed.
“Fuck.”
He covered his mouth.
His eyes watered slightly.
The cigarette stayed between his fingers.
Kiro looked at it.
Then at you.
“Don't.”
He coughed again.
“I know how fucking stupid this looks.”
The smell was still wrong.
Still familiar.
Still his father.
But now something else was mixed into it.
Him.
Kiro tried again.
The taste was awful.
He grimaced.
“...Why do people like this?”
A voice behind him answered.
“Good question.”
Kiro nearly dropped it.
He turned.
Rin was standing behind him.
Rin stared at the cigarette.
Then at Kiro.
Then back at the cigarette.
“What the fuck?”
Kiro looked away.
“Hi.”
Rin blinked.
“I leave for two minutes.”
“More like five.”
“And you start smoking?”
Kiro looked at the cigarette.
“Apparently.”
Rin climbed back into the window and sat beside him.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then Rin pointed at it.
“You smoke?”
Kiro shook his head.
“No.”
Rin stared.
Kiro sighed.
“This is my second one.”
Rin's ears lifted.
“Tonight?”
“In my life.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Rin nodded toward the cigarette.
“First one sucked?”
“Yeah.”
“And this one?”
Kiro thought about it.
“Also sucks.”
Rin laughed.
Kiro smiled slightly.
Rin took another cigarette for himself.
Kiro glanced over.
“You're seriously gonna keep going?”
Rin raised an eyebrow.
“You stole mine.”
“Borrowed one.”
“Without asking.”
Kiro looked at the burning cigarette.
“I was gonna give it back.”
Rin stared at him.
“Please don't.”
Kiro laughed.
Just a little.
They sat there together.
Two tiny points of light in the dark.
After a while, Rin leaned back against the frame.
“You ever think about how fucking weird life is?”
Kiro looked at him.
“That's vague.”
Rin watched the smoke disappear above them.
“You spend years thinking something is gonna happen. Then it doesn't.”
He paused.
“Or it happens completely differently.”
Kiro nodded.
“Or something happens and you spend years wishing it didn't.”
Rin went quiet.
“Yeah.”
Kiro looked down at his arm.
The same arm he'd hurt after Rin showed him his scars.
The marks were still there.
Fainter now.
But there.
Rin followed his eyes.
He didn't say anything.
Kiro appreciated that.
After a moment, Rin asked:
“You regret things?”
Kiro laughed quietly.
“How much time do you have?”
“A while.”
“Then yeah.”
Kiro took another drag.
This one didn't make him cough.
He wasn't sure if that was good.
Probably not.
He looked toward the street.
“I regret shit I did. Shit I didn't do. Things I said. Things I didn't say.”
Rin nodded.
“Same.”
Kiro looked at him.
“Helpful.”
“I'm trying.”
“I can tell.”
Rin bumped his shoulder against Kiro's.
Kiro bumped him back.
Silence again.
Then Kiro looked at you.
“You know...”
Rin turned his head.
Kiro ignored him.
“Sometimes I think people expect some big answer.”
Rin frowned.
“Who?”
Kiro kept looking at you.
“Like there's supposed to be a moment where everything makes sense.”
Rin looked behind himself.
Nobody.
Then back at Kiro.
“Kiro... who the fuck are you talking to?”
Kiro stopped.
Slowly looked at Rin.
“...Nobody.”
Rin pointed toward the empty room.
“You were looking directly over there.”
“No, I wasn't.”
“You literally were.”
Kiro looked at you.
Then at Rin.
Then back at you.
Rin followed his eyes.
Nothing.
“Kiro.”
“What?”
Rin lowered his voice slightly.
“Are you seeing someone?”
Kiro shook his head.
“No.”
A pause.
Then he smiled slightly.
“Probably.”
Rin stared at him.
“That's not reassuring.”
Kiro laughed.
“Forget it.”
Rin narrowed his eyes.
“You're fucking weird.”
“You only noticed now?”
Rin considered that.
“Fair.”
He went back to watching the street.
Kiro looked at you one last time.
One finger against his lips.
Quiet.
Then he looked away.
Rin didn't notice that part.
Probably.
The cigarettes slowly burned shorter.
Kiro stared at his.
The taste still wasn't good.
The smell still carried memories he didn't want.
But sitting there with Rin...
it wasn't exactly the same smell anymore.
Kiro wasn't sure how he felt about that.
He put the cigarette out.
Rin looked over.
“Done already?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn't like it?”
Kiro looked at what was left between his fingers.
Then toward the dark street.
“I don't know.”
Rin shrugged.
“Good answer.”
Kiro rested his head against the window frame.
Rin stayed beside him.
Neither of them talked for a while.
The smoke disappeared into the night.
Kiro watched until he couldn't tell which part had come from Rin...
and which part had come from him.