KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 22 OF 36
Morning
by hasira · about 9 min read
Kiro woke with his neck hurting.
That was the first thing.
Second was the floor.
Third was Susie.
He opened his eyes slowly.
Blanket over him.
Back against the couch.
Susie sat beside him on the floor, her head resting against the cushion behind her.
Eyes closed.
Still wearing yesterday's clothes.
Kiro stared at her.
For a few seconds, he didn't remember why she was there.
Then he smelled it.
Alcohol.
Faint now.
Stale.
His stomach dropped.
The bottle.
The gun.
Susie through the window.
“I was scared of myself.”
Kiro went completely still.
His eyes moved across the living room.
The bottle was still there.
The glass too.
The gun wasn't.
He remembered Susie moving it.
Remembered crying.
Remembered telling her.
“I like you.”
“Oh, fuck.”
Susie's eyes opened.
Immediately.
Too immediately.
Like she hadn't really been asleep.
Kiro noticed.
“Hey.”
Her voice was rough.
Kiro stared at her.
“...Hi.”
Susie rubbed one eye.
“How do you feel?”
He thought about it.
“Like shit.”
“Good.”
Kiro frowned.
“Good?”
“You deserve a little bit of that.”
He looked down.
“Yeah.”
Susie sighed.
“Not like that.”
Kiro didn't answer.
He pulled the blanket closer around himself.
His mouth was dry.
Head heavy.
Not a terrible hangover.
He hadn't drunk enough for that.
Just enough to feel wrong.
Dirty somehow.
Kiro looked toward the bottle again.
“I really did that.”
Susie followed his eyes.
“Yeah.”
“I don't drink.”
“I know.”
“I hate drinking.”
“I know.”
He rubbed his face.
“Great.”
Silence.
Then his eyes moved toward the other side of the room.
Susie noticed.
Kiro swallowed.
“Where is it?”
“Somewhere you're not getting it.”
He looked at her.
“I'm not asking because I want to.”
Susie's expression softened slightly.
“I know.”
Kiro stared at his paws.
For a moment neither spoke.
Then:
“I don't want it.”
Susie blinked.
Kiro rubbed his thumb against his palm.
“I mean...”
He looked toward where it had been beside him last night.
“I don't want it here anymore.”
Susie watched him carefully.
Kiro continued before he could change his mind.
“I bought it because I thought it would make me feel safer.”
A pause.
“It did.”
Another.
“For a while.”
He swallowed.
“Now it doesn't.”
Susie nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
Kiro looked at her.
“That's it?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don't know.”
“You said you don't want it here.”
“Yeah.”
“So, we'll figure out how to get it out of here safely.”
Kiro nodded.
No argument.
Susie seemed surprised by that.
“You mean it?”
Kiro looked at her.
“I woke up and the first thing I did was check if it was still in the room.”
Susie's face changed.
Kiro looked away.
“Yeah.”
He pulled his knees slightly closer.
“I mean it.”
Susie nodded.
“Okay.”
The room went quiet again.
Kiro looked at her.
She looked terrible.
Not emotionally.
Physically.
Hair messier than usual.
Eyes tired.
Darkness beneath them.
Still sitting in the exact same clothes.
Kiro frowned.
“Did you sleep?”
Susie looked away.
“A little.”
“Susie.”
“Some.”
“How much is some?”
She shrugged.
Kiro waited.
Susie sighed.
“Maybe an hour.”
His stomach sank.
“What?”
“I wasn't really counting.”
“You've been here all night.”
“Yeah.”
“And you slept for an hour?”
“Maybe two.”
Kiro stared at her.
“Why?”
Susie looked at him like the question was stupid.
Then realized he genuinely didn't understand.
Her expression changed.
“Kiro.”
“What?”
She hesitated.
“I was scared you'd wake up before me.”
Silence.
Kiro didn't move.
Susie looked toward the floor.
“I kept thinking if I fall asleep properly...”
She stopped.
Kiro's throat tightened.
Susie tried again.
“I didn't know what you'd do when you woke up.”
He stared at her.
“And I didn't know if you'd still be...”
She stopped again.
Didn't finish.
She didn't need to.
Kiro lowered his eyes.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I'm sorry.”
Susie leaned her head back against the couch.
“I know.”
Kiro's eyes started burning.
He blinked hard.
Susie noticed.
“Don't.”
“What?”
“Start crying because I'm tired.”
“I'm not.”
“You are.”
“I'm not.”
His voice cracked slightly.
Susie raised an eyebrow.
Kiro looked away.
“Shut up.”
“Better.”
He rubbed his face.
The guilt stayed.
Heavy.
Susie had sat beside him all night because she was afraid he might die if she slept.
There wasn't really a way to make that smaller.
Kiro whispered.
“I didn't mean to do that to you.”
“I know.”
“I didn't want you to be scared.”
“I know.”
She looked exhausted.
“I keep doing things you have to say 'I know' to.”
Susie's mouth moved slightly.
“Yeah.”
“That's bad.”
“A little.”
Kiro started at his knees.
Then:
“Are you angry?”
Susie thought about it.
“Yes.”
He nodded about it.
“Okay.”
“I'm also tired.”
“Okay.”
“And hungry.”
Kiro glanced at her.
“...Okay.”
“And your floor sucks.”
Kiro stared.
Susie shifted her back against the couch.
“My spine is fucking ruined.”
Despite himself, Kiro laughed.
Small.
It hurt his head.
“Sorry.”
“Buy a rug.”
“I have a rug.”
“Then put it where people have emotional disasters.”
Kiro looked around.
“That's going to require a lot of rugs.”
Susie laughed once.
Quiet.
Kiro smiled.
Then remembered everything again.
The smile faded.
Susie noticed but didn't comment.
She pushed herself upright.
Her knees cracked.
“Jesus.”
Kiro looked at her.
“Congratulations.”
Susie stopped.
“What?”
“You just rolled the one thing that's going to hurt for the rest of your life.”
She stared at him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Kiro adjusted the blanket around himself.
“Everyone gets one when they turn twenty-five.”
Susie kept staring.
“That's not a thing.”
“It is.”
“No, it isn't.”
“You're twenty-five now. Your knees cracked. It's decided.”
Susie looked down at her knees.
Then back at him.
“So that's it?”
“Yeah.”
“For the rest of my life?”
“Unfortunately.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“And what's yours?”
Kiro slowly touched the side of his neck.
“This apparently.”
Susie stared.
Kiro moved his head slightly.
Immediately regretted it.
“Ow.”
Susie started laughing.
“Fuck you.”
“I'm serious.”
“You're twenty-five, not eighty.”
Kiro pointed at her knees.
“Tell that to those.”
Susie looked offended.
“You are three months older than me.”
“Exactly. I have experience.”
“Ancient.”
Kiro watched her stand.
“Where are you going?”
Susie stopped.
The question came out too quickly.
Kiro heard it too.
His ears lowered.
Susie looked at him.
“Kitchen.”
“Oh.”
“I'm getting water.”
“Right.”
A pause.
Susie tilted her head.
“You want some?”
Kiro nodded.
“Yeah.”
She walked away.
Kiro watched until she disappeared into the kitchen.
His stomach tightened anyway.
She's coming back.
He hated that he had to tell himself.
She's literally getting water.
He looked down.
The blanket slipped slightly from his shoulder.
He pulled it back.
A minute later, Susie returned with two glasses.
She handed one to him.
Kiro drank almost all of it immediately.
Susie stared.
“Slow down.”
He stopped.
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing for drinking water.”
Kiro lowered the glass.
“...Sorry.”
Susie turned.
He covered his face.
“Fuck.”
That got another tired laugh from her.
She sat on the couch this time.
Kiro stayed on the floor.
After a moment, Susie nudged his shoulder with her knee.
“Get up.”
“I'm comfortable.”
“You're lying.”
“Yeah.”
Kiro slowly stood.
His legs protested.
He sat beside her.
Not too close.
Not far either.
The blanket stayed around his shoulders.
Susie looked toward the coffee table.
Then at the bottle.
“We should get rid of that too.”
Kiro followed her eyes.
“Yeah.”
No hesitation.
Susie looked back at him.
“You're making this suspiciously easy.”
Kiro shrugged.
“I don't want to look at it.”
“Fair.”
He leaned back.
Closed his eyes for a second.
Then opened them again.
Susie noticed.
“You can sleep.”
Kiro shook his head.
“No.”
“Why?”
He hesitated.
Then:
“Feels unfair.”
Susie frowned.
“What does?”
“You didn't.”
“Kiro.”
“You stayed awake because of me.”
“Yeah.”
“So I'm not going to sleep while you sit here.”
Susie stared at him.
“That's stupid.”
“Probably.”
“I'm not keeping score.”
“I am.”
“I know.”
Kiro looked at her.
Susie sighed.
“Fine.”
She pulled one leg onto the couch.
“We both stay awake and feel like shit.”
“Good.”
“Healthy.”
“Extremely.”
Silence.
Then Kiro added:
“Do you regret coming here?”
Susie looked at him.
“No.”
“Even after...”
He gestured vaguely at the room.
The bottle.
The missing gun.
Him.
Susie understood.
“No.”
Kiro looked down.
“Do you regret saying it?”
“Which part?”
He immediately became uncomfortable.
Susie knew exactly which part.
She made him say it anyway.
Kiro rubbed the edge of the blanket between his fingers.
“That you...”
He stopped.
Susie waited.
Kiro's ears flattened.
“That you like me.”
Susie looked forward.
“No.”
His eyes moved toward her.
She continued.
“I'm worried about you.”
A pause.
“I'm angry with you.”
Another.
“I still like you.”
Kiro swallowed.
“Those can happen together?”
“Apparently.”
He gave a tiny laugh.
Susie glanced over.
“Do you regret saying it?”
Kiro's answer came immediately.
“No.”
Then he looked surprised at himself.
Susie noticed.
Kiro looked down again.
“I'm scared I said it.”
“Different thing.”
“Yeah.”
He rubbed his paws together.
“I've wanted to tell you.”
Susie stayed quiet.
“For a while.”
“How long?”
Kiro's entire body seemed to reject the question.
“No.”
Susie smiled.
“Kiro.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Birthday?”
He stared at her.
“No.”
“Before?”
“Stop.”
“The roof?”
“Susie.”
Her smile widened.
Kiro pulled the blanket higher.
“I changed my mind. I hate you.”
“No you don't.”
His ears went warm.
He looked away.
That stupid sentence.
But this time it didn't hurt.
Not much.
Susie let him hide for a moment.
Then her voice became quieter.
“Kiro.”
He looked back.
“We need to talk about last night eventually.”
His stomach tightened.
“I know.”
“Not right now.”
He blinked.
Susie rubbed her tired eyes.
“I'm too fucking tired.”
Kiro almost smiled.
“But later.”
“Okay.”
“And I mean properly.”
He looked down.
“My ex.”
Susie nodded.
“That too.”
Kiro's throat tightened.
A long silence.
Then:
“I don't know if I can tell you all of it.”
“You don't have to tell me all of it.”
“I want to.”
Susie watched him.
Kiro swallowed.
“I think.”
“Then tell me what you can.”
He nodded slowly.
“Not today.”
“Fine.”
“Maybe...”
He hesitated.
“Tomorrow.”
“Fine.”
Kiro looked suspiciously at her.
“You make everything sound easy.”
Susie nodded.
“Nothing about this is fucking easy.”
That actually helped.
Kiro leaned back.
Their shoulders touched.
Neither moved.
After another few minutes, Susie's head slowly tipped sideways.
Kiro noticed.
“You said we're staying awake.”
“Mhm.”
“Susie.”
“Mhm.”
“You're falling asleep.”
“No.”
Her eyes were closed.
Kiro stared at her.
A little smile appeared.
“You liar.”
Susie didn't answer.
Her head settled against his shoulder.
Kiro froze.
Not because he didn't want it.
Because he did.
Very much.
He looked down at her.
She was asleep almost immediately.
Actually sleep this time.
Kiro stayed completely still.
The room was quiet.
Morning light moved through the curtains.
The bottle still stood across from him.
He looked at it.
Then toward the place where the gun had been.
His stomach twisted.
But neither was beside him now.
Susie was.
Kiro carefully pulled part of the blanket over her too.
She moved slightly.
Didn't wake.
He looked at her tired face.
All night.
She had stayed awake all night because she didn't trust him to wake up alone.
That thought hurt.
But there was something else inside it too.
Something Kiro wasn't used to.
Someone had been afraid of losing him.
He rested his head lightly against hers.
“Sleep.”
Susie made a quiet sound.
Probably nothing.
Kiro looked toward the window.
He was still tired.
Still ashamed.
Still scared of what had happened.
None of it was gone.
But for now, he stayed awake.
Just until she didn't have to.