KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 03 OF 36
Wrong
by hasira · about 5 min read
Kiro stood in front of the bathroom mirror.
He had just finished showering.
His fur was still damp. Water ran slowly from his ears, down his neck, across his chest.
He looked fine.
More than fine, probably.
His face looked good.
His fur sat nicely even while wet.
His shoulders had a good shape.
There was nothing obviously wrong with him.
Kiro knew that.
It didn't help.
He stared at himself.
His eyes moved slowly downward.
Face.
Neck.
Chest.
Stomach.
Hips.
Lower.
Kiro's expression changed.
He looked away almost immediately.
“Fuck...”
He grabbed the towel.
For a second, it looked like he was going to cover himself.
Instead, he just stood there holding it.
His jaw tightened.
Then he looked down again.
Only for a moment.
That was enough.
“Fucking pathetic.”
Nobody had ever seen that part of him.
Nobody had laughed.
Nobody had pointed.
Nobody had told him something was wrong.
It didn't matter.
Kiro had already done all of that for them.
He wrapped the towel around himself and pulled it tight.
Better.
Hidden.
But his reflection was still there.
Kiro looked at his face.
His muzzle.
His eyes.
His ears.
He turned his head slightly.
Something looked wrong.
He couldn't explain what.
One side.
Then the other.
His nose looked strange.
His jaw looked weak.
His expression looked stupid.
His ears looked too big.
His eyes looked tired.
Kiro stepped back.
Now his shoulders looked wrong.
He pulled them back.
Stood straighter.
Better.
For a second.
Then fake.
Like he was trying too hard.
He relaxed.
Immediately hated that too.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
Kiro grabbed the edge of the sink.
Kiro in the mirror looked completely normal.
That made him angrier.
Because there was nothing obvious enough to point at.
Nothing that explained why he felt so disgusting.
Nothing except the one thing nobody could see.
Kiro looked down at the towel.
His grip tightened.
He remembered the shower.
Trying to clean himself properly.
Carefully.
The same movement.
A little pressure.
Then more.
That familiar resistance.
Too tight.
A sting.
Kiro pulling away immediately.
Every time.
He knew trying farther hurt.
Leaving it alone made him feel dirty.
Wrong either way.
Sometimes he tried again anyway.
Slowly.
Carefully.
Just to see if maybe this time would be different.
It never was.
Pressure.
Stop.
Burn.
And always the same thought.
Why can't you just be fucking normal?
Kiro swallowed.
The bathroom suddenly felt too warm.
He stared at the towel around his waist.
“Nobody else has to think about this every fucking time.”
At least that was what it felt like.
Everyone else in Kiro's head had bodies that simply worked.
Bodies that didn't need instructions.
Bodies that didn't make them afraid of being touched.
Bodies that didn't make them wonder what somebody would think the first time they saw everything.
Kiro's claws pressed into the sink.
Nobody had ever seen him naked.
That should have made the problem smaller.
Instead, it made it worse.
Because nobody had proven him wrong either.
So his head did it for them.
They'll notice.
Kiro stared at himself.
Of course they'll notice.
Maybe they would ask what was wrong.
Maybe they would stare.
Maybe they would try not to stare.
Maybe they would say it was fine in that careful voice people used when something clearly wasn't.
Something hot rose into Kiro's chest.
He looked directly into the mirror.
“Look at you.”
His reflection stayed silent.
“Everything looks fine until someone gets close enough to actually see you.”
Kiro pressed one paw against his chest.
Not gently.
His claws caught slightly in the wet fur.
“You couldn't even get this one thing right.”
He struck his chest with the flat of his paw.
A dull sound.
Again.
“Fucking useless.”
Again.
Harder.
Kiro stopped.
His paw stayed against his chest.
A red mark was beginning to show beneath the fur.
He stared at it.
For a second, he looked surprised.
Then angry again.
Not because he had hit himself.
Because his body had reacted.
Because the skin had turned red.
Because now there was something else to hate.
Kiro grabbed the fur on his stomach.
Pulled.
Then his side.
His chest.
As if there was another body somewhere underneath.
A correct one.
His claws scratched against his skin.
Kiro hissed through his teeth.
He stopped.
Small marks were visible beneath the fur.
His breathing slowed slightly.
Then his eyes moved down again.
Toward the towel.
That was still the worst part.
Not because of size.
Not really.
Because it didn't feel normal.
It felt unfinished.
Defective.
Embarrassing.
Something he would have to explain one day.
Something another person would eventually notice.
Kiro's paws started shaking.
“Fuck you.”
Quiet.
Not to the mirror.
Not to anyone else.
To his own body.
Kiro grabbed the towel hanging beside the sink.
He threw it over the mirror.
His reflection disappeared.
For a few seconds, he just stood there.
Breathing.
Looking at nothing.
Then he looked down.
The mirror was gone.
His body wasn't.
That made him angrier than anything.
Kiro got dressed.
Underwear first.
Fast.
Then pants.
A shirt.
Then a hoodie, even though the house was warm.
He pulled the sleeves over his paws.
The more of himself disappeared...
the calmer he became.
Eventually, only his face remained.
Kiro looked toward the covered mirror.
He didn't uncover it.
He left.
Later that evening, he was sitting on the couch.
The hoodie was still on.
The hood pulled over his head now.
Kiro looked normal again.
Completely normal.
If somebody walked into the room, they probably wouldn't notice anything.
That was part of the problem.
Nobody could see what Kiro saw.
Nobody knew that a shower could turn into an inspection.
Nobody knew that sometimes he tried the same thing again even when he already knew it would hurt.
Nobody knew that the idea of somebody eventually seeing him scared him more than being alone did.
Kiro looked down at his paws.
Turned one over.
Then the other.
For a moment, he wondered what it would feel like to have a body he didn't have to negotiate with.
To shower without testing it.
To change clothes without thinking.
To imagine somebody touching him without immediately wondering what they would discover.
Kiro pulled his sleeves farther down.
There wasn't enough fabric.
There was never enough fabric.
He leaned back against the couch.
Closed his eyes.
The mirror was in another room.
Covered.
The towel was still hanging over it.
Kiro could still see himself perfectly.