KIRO’S STORY / CHAPTER 04 OF 36
Redirect
by hasira · about 7 min read
Kiro wasn't doing anything.
He had been sitting like that for almost twenty minutes.
On the edge of the couch.
Elbows against his knees.
Head hanging low.
His paws rested loosely between his legs. Every few seconds, one finger moved.
Nothing else.
The television was on, but Kiro wasn't watching it.
Something played quietly in the background.
Voices that didn't matter.
Kiro stared at the floor.
He looked exhausted.
Not tired.
Exhausted.
Like sleeping wouldn't fix anything.
There was a knock on the door.
Kiro didn't react.
Another knock.
Then silence.
A few seconds later, another.
Kiro slowly lifted his head.
“...Yeah?”
The door opened.
A black cat looked inside.
Oversized hoodie.
Sleeves covering nearly all of his arms and most of his paws.
“Hey.”
Kiro looked at him.
“Hey, Rin.”
Rin stepped inside and closed the door. His eyes moved from Kiro, to the television, then back.
“You look like shit.”
Kiro gave a tiny laugh.
“Thanks.”
“I'm serious.”
“Yeah. I know.”
Rin sat beside him.
Not too close.
Not far away either.
For a while, neither of them said anything.
Kiro went back to staring at the floor.
Rin watched him.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“That's bullshit.”
Kiro shrugged.
“Just... everything.”
Rin nodded slowly.
Kiro rubbed his eyes.
“I'm just fucking tired.”
“Then sleep.”
“I don't mean that kind.”
Rin's expression softened slightly.
“I know.”
Silence again.
Kiro looked down.
“I don't know how to make it stop.”
Rin's ears moved.
“What?”
Kiro tapped one finger against the side of his head.
“This.”
Rin stayed quiet.
“I can be doing absolutely fucking nothing and suddenly I remember something.”
Kiro swallowed.
“Or I remember everything.”
His voice became quieter.
“And then it just keeps going. The things they said. The things I said. The things I should've done...”
His claws slowly pressed into his palms.
“The things I didn't do.”
Rin looked down at Kiro's paws.
“Kiro.”
“And then my fucking head starts telling me what kind of person I am.”
“Kiro.”
Kiro finally looked at him.
“What?”
“Your hands.”
Kiro looked down.
His claws were digging into his palms.
He immediately relaxed them.
“...Sorry.”
Rin frowned.
“Why are you apologizing to me?”
“I don't know.”
Rin sighed and leaned back.
“I used to get that.”
Kiro looked at him.
“Used to?”
Rin looked away.
“Well...”
He pulled one sleeve farther over his paw.
“Not exactly.”
Kiro noticed.
“You always do that.”
“Do what?”
“That.”
Kiro pointed at the hoodie.
“You're always wearing it. Even when it's fucking boiling outside.”
Rin looked down at himself.
“Yeah.”
“So why?”
Rin was silent.
Then he smiled slightly.
Not a happy smile.
More like he had just decided something.
“You really wanna know?”
Kiro hesitated.
“...Sure.”
Rin grabbed the end of one sleeve.
Slowly, he pulled it upward.
Kiro's expression disappeared.
Scars.
Not one.
Not two.
Many.
Some faded.
Some easier to see.
Lines crossing other lines.
Places where the fur had grown differently.
Kiro stared.
“What the fuck...”
Rin looked at his own arm like it belonged to somebody else.
“Yeah.”
“You did that?”
“Most of it.”
Kiro looked back at him.
“Why?”
Rin shrugged.
“Same reason you're sitting here looking like you're about to fucking fall apart.”
Kiro didn't answer.
Rin ran his thumb over one of the older scars.
“When it gets too loud...”
He tapped his temple.
“...I move it somewhere else.”
Kiro frowned.
“What does that even mean?”
Rin looked at him.
“Emotional pain is messy. You can't point at it. You can't measure it. You can't tell where it starts or where it fucking ends.”
His eyes moved back to his arm.
“But something physical?”
A pause.
“That's simple.”
Kiro stared at the scars.
Rin moved one paw slightly, enough to make what he meant clear.
Kiro immediately pulled backward.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Rin.”
Rin lowered his paw.
“What?”
“That's your advice?”
“I didn't say it was good advice.”
“You literally just showed me that.”
“I showed you what I do.”
Kiro shook his head.
“That's fucked.”
Rin pulled his sleeve back down.
“Yeah.”
The scars disappeared.
Kiro kept staring at him.
“But does it work?”
Rin went quiet.
That question seemed harder.
Finally, he shrugged.
“For a while.”
“That's not really an answer.”
“It's the only one I've got.”
The television continued talking behind them.
Some cheerful music played.
Neither of them looked at it.
Kiro shook his head.
“No.”
Rin nodded.
“Good.”
Kiro turned toward him.
“Good?”
“Yeah.”
“You just fucking showed me that and now you're saying good?”
Rin looked uncomfortable.
“I never said you should copy me.”
“You basically did.”
For the first time, Rin didn't look like he knew what he was talking about.
He looked down and pulled at the end of his sleeve.
“Maybe.”
A pause.
“...Sorry.”
Kiro stared at him.
Rin looked away.
“I'm not very good at helping people.”
Kiro almost smiled.
“Clearly.”
Rin pushed him lightly with his shoulder.
“Fuck you.”
Kiro pushed him back.
For a second...
Kiro laughed.
Actually laughed.
Not much.
But enough.
They stayed together for a few more hours.
Played something.
Talked about stupid things.
Rin complained about a movie.
Kiro complained about Rin being terrible at the game.
For a little while, Kiro's head became quiet.
Eventually, Rin stood up.
“I should go.”
Kiro looked toward the clock.
“Already?”
“It's late.”
“Oh.”
Rin put his paws inside the hoodie pocket.
“You gonna be okay?”
Kiro nodded immediately.
“Yeah.”
Too quickly.
Rin noticed.
Kiro noticed that he noticed.
Neither of them said anything.
Finally, Rin nodded toward Kiro's phone.
“Message me if you need something.”
“Yeah.”
Rin walked toward the door.
Then stopped.
“Kiro?”
“Yeah?”
Rin looked at him.
His sleeves completely covered his arms again.
“Forget what I showed you.”
Kiro held his eyes for a moment.
Then nodded.
“Sure.”
The door closed.
Kiro was alone again.
For the first few minutes, Kiro felt fine.
He cleaned the glasses from the table.
Turned the television off.
Picked up the controller.
Put it back where it belonged.
Normal things.
Then the house became quiet.
Too quiet.
Kiro stopped.
Something moved inside his head.
A voice.
Not Rin's.
Older.
Useless.
Kiro closed his eyes.
“No.”
Fucking useless.
He kept walking.
Kitchen.
Glass.
Water.
Drink.
Go to bed.
Simple.
You couldn't do anything then.
“Not tonight.”
You can't do anything now.
Kiro gripped the glass harder.
Pathetic.
“Stop.”
Coward.
“Stop.”
Nobody needs you.
Kiro put the glass down too hard.
Water spilled across the counter.
His breathing changed.
Everyone leaves.
“Shut up.”
They always fucking leave.
“SHUT UP.”
Kiro grabbed the sides of his head.
His claws caught in his fur.
The kitchen disappeared beneath memories.
Shouting.
A bottle.
The edge of a counter.
Blood moving between tiles.
His own voice saying nothing.
Doing nothing.
Watching.
Your fault.
Kiro squeezed his eyes shut.
“Stop.”
Your fault.
“Please.”
YOUR FAULT.
Kiro's breathing broke.
He slid down against the kitchen cabinet and pulled his knees toward his chest.
“Please just fucking stop.”
And then...
another voice.
Much softer.
Recent.
Rin.
“When it gets too loud...”
Kiro froze.
Slowly, he opened his eyes.
“...I move it somewhere else.”
Kiro looked at his paw.
His claws.
For several seconds, he didn't move.
“No.”
He looked away.
He knew it was stupid.
He knew it was fucked.
He remembered his own words.
“That's fucked.”
Kiro almost laughed.
Then the old voice returned.
Useless.
His expression changed.
Kiro looked at his paw again.
Rin's answer came back.
“For a while.”
Kiro swallowed.
“No...”
Pathetic.
The room went black.
Nothing.
No image.
No sound.
Just black.
Then...
the kitchen returned.
Kiro was sitting on the floor.
Curled tightly into himself.
His knees against his chest.
His arms wrapped around them.
Small trails of blood were visible through the fur along his arms.
His paws were shaking.
Kiro stared at them.
His breathing was slow now.
Very slow.
The voices were gone.
No kitchen from the past.
No screaming.
No accusations.
No memories.
Nothing.
Only the sting.
Simple.
Clear.
Easy to understand.
Kiro rested his forehead against his knees.
For the first time that night...
his head was quiet.
He didn't feel better.
He didn't feel happy.
He didn't feel fixed.
He barely felt anything at all.
Just the sting.
Kiro closed his eyes.
It helped.
At least for now.